July 26, 2013

What's the use of trying when the countless attempts I have made go unnoticed. Am I that ignorant that I can't see past my own nose in spite of my face? I don't believe so. I crave attention just as much as the next individual does, maybe not as much yet I do still. Perhaps I need to throw in the towel and revert to the comforts of the walls I had built. I thought that by taking them down, one at a time I would adjust however; what I neglected to realize was that on the other side were those seething individuals still waiting with their jaws wide open. I just can't take anymore.

July 22, 2013

I have finally reached my breaking point. Here I stand clinging to a branch ready to take the plunge. I haven't any hope left within. I doubt it ever even existed. Fake it they say...ha! Tried and failed. I feel like a complete and utter failure. Failure as a mother a daughter, sister and friend. I have failed myself. I am beyond words right now.

July 22, 2013

"In the confrontation between the stream and the rock,the stream always wins - not through strength, but through persistence." - Buddha

July 16, 2013

I have had all I can endure. I need to walk away. I must give up entirely. There is nothing holding me now. The knot has come undone and my hands can no longer grasp the rope. It has cut my hands and they are raw!

July 11, 2013

I thought, with the utmost of sincerity that I would have the ability to overcome any and/or all obstacles on my own. I have proven to myself time and time again that I no longer possess such power. I am at a complete and utter standstill. I am not certain which way I need to turn. All roads are leading into one another and I am absolutely, without question, completely LOST!

July 8, 2013

Insanity - doing the same things over and over expecting different results. With that being determined not only by myself, yet countless numbers of others' from all walks of life. I do believe in order to tear myself from the grasp of this ever so depressive state that I dance with daily... CHANGE ... That is all.

July 7, 2013

Whatever I have, whatever I am, I will give it all away for serenity, a solitaire day, and if it’s not too much to ask, perhaps a week of serenity. I have yet to experience one completely serene day. If my soul wasn’t tattered and torn, I would offer it up in exchange for such. However; the remnants that remain would not cover the cost of. Therefore I will go on wearily, dragging myself, trudging the roads that lead me back to ‘nowhere’, in hopes that I might find on my very own that ‘serenity’.

July 4, 2013

This should be a day of celebrating our countey however; for me, it's day of defending myself. I have been disrespected in front of my children for the very last time. I will not be regarded to as a selfish child, nor will I be told I don't make sacrifices. I have sacrificed my entire being for the sake of MY children. There has been no one here to aid financially, emotionally, physically towards the growth and well being of me or mine. I, single handedly have done all and then some. I go without so other's can have. I have allowed other's to trample on me my entire life and I am done. I said I give up and that is precisely what I am doing. Go ahead. Dig deeper with your sharp words and watch me suffer at the mercy of your lips. I don't care anymore. The damage has been done and there is no retracting any of it.

July 2, 2013

There comes a point in time when you have to throw your hands up in the air and admit defeat! That is precisely what I am doing right now. I have had all I can take. My thoughts consume me and I allow them to now. I won't fight anymore. Dig your razor sharp tallons into my flesh that's oh so soft and have at it. Do what you will. I am giving up. I have fought for too long and I am on my knees, too weak to pick myself up again. It hurts more each time and the dust is getting harder to brush off. You win!

June 26, 2013

I have pleaded with myself for too many years. I have struggled with 'LIFE' almost daily and still it seems I am held prisoner in my own mind. I wonder if anyone can truly understand the terror I face from within? Can they sense my absolute fears and feel my heart race as the rest of me slowly dies? Can you feel my heart break? Is it at all possible?